So there's this club, see. It's the Ponytail Club. And everyone in the Ponytail Club wears a ponytail and believes firmly that the ponytail is the superior hair style. It is their belief that all other hairstyles - or indeed, head adornment - are inferior to the ponytail.
They meet periodically to admire one another's spectacular ponytails, and to hold sessions wherein they extoll the virtues of the ponytail to one another. They write letters to fashion magazines and they shun those who do not share their chosen passion for the ponytail.
But they save their visciousness for bald people. They believe that bald people secretly shave their heads in an effort to ruin ponytails forever. They think that bald people would be happier if they'd just try to grow a ponytail, or wear a wig.
And some bald people do try. But most of them are just kinda sad. They have a comb-over, or an obvious Hair Club number that doesn't really look like real hair.
But some bald people wear their smooth scalps as proudly as Ponytail Club members wear their chosen hairstyle. And that infuriates the Ponytail Club. They issue press releases, have talking points, and even promote their own hair club products. But none of it has helped bald people who just can't grow a ponytail.
In the end, it's kinda sad when you think that people who chose to be in the Ponytail Club would persecute people who are bald and just can't help it.
(I first posted this to a contentious thread at The Language Guy. I just liked it enough to share)
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10 comments:
Ponytail choosers are losers.
And? ssssstupit.
I said it once, I'll say it again-
Viva la Bald!!
/woof
sean, you may pet my bald pate.
Rubbing them brings good luck. Like the the Buddha's belly :)
Rubbing my head certainly brings *something* :)
Oh, get a room. :)
I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about GoB... :)
Thank you for completely misrepresenting my position and apparently not even reading anything I wrote.
Oh look, the Ponytail Club has something to say...
I like marshmallows. I do not care what they're made of. I like their sticky texture, especially once they've been on the end of a pointy stick, toasting over an open fire. Also, I like bald guys. Bald guys with hair on the back of their necks make me sticky. Curiously, I am also attracted to some guys with long hair, even guys whose long hair has been pulled into a pony-tail. Usually, they have red or auburn hair and bushy beards, too. If they look like they're in a Scottish shot-put competition or might play the bagpipes, I am once again made sticky.
My (straight) friend, Randy, has auburn hair and a thick beard and is the only guy I know who is actually hairier than me. He's a black-belt in Aikido. I don't know where he stands on marshmallows, although in general he eats like a goat. Randy's going bald, and actually complains about it rather often. I must confess, I enjoy getting hugs from Randy even more than I enjoy melty marshmallows. If I could somehow eat a melty marshmallow while getting a Randy-hug, I might actually explode.
My point? Marshmallows: tasty. Bald guys: tasty. Pony-tail guys: also (occasionally) tasty.
What the world
needs now
are marshmallows
sweet marshmallows.
They're the only thing
that there's
just
too little of!
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