Dinner and an Introspection

We hurriedly had Grillardin over for dinner last night. We barbecued and watched "Defending Your Life" with Albert Brooks.

Grillardin hates Albert Brooks. She just hates him. As we watched the film she was so overcome by her hatred that she couldn't bring herself to comprehend what Meryl Streep could see in him. Or how just maybe there were some valid questions and opportunity for self-examination buried in there.

I always watch that film and think about the machinery it puts upon The Universe. The bureaucracy, and how perfect it would be, in that dark ironic-Jewish-humor sort of way.

But even more, I wonder if I would go forward, or return. I have not lived a life without fear. But I think about the moments of courage I've shown in my life, too, and I think that I'm not without a defense. And I think that, as the court went over my life, they might want to review nine days. Or maybe even more. But perhaps less.

I also think about Head Chef, Friturier, Grillardin, Boulanger, and my other friends such as yourself, and I think about your courage and wisdom. And I think that it would be a shame to return when you moved onward. But if I need to face my fear, then there's work to be done and I'll just need to pull up my bootstraps and get moving.